The Lazy Witch's Guide to Moon Phases (For When You Can't Even)

It's the full moon and you forgot. Again.

You had plans. You were going to do a whole ritual. You had the candles. You had the intention journal. You had that one crystal you saw on TikTok that's supposed to charge in moonlight even though you're not totally sure what "charging" means or whether you have the right crystal.

And instead, you fell asleep at 9 PM watching a show you don't even like, woke up at 2 AM with a crick in your neck and a deep sense of personal failure, and now the moon has been full for six hours without your participation.

Welcome to the club. We have snacks.

Here's the thing nobody tells you about moon phases: The moon does not require your attendance.

The moon has been doing her thing for 4.5 billion years. She does not have feelings about whether you charged your crystals. She is not keeping a spreadsheet of which witches honored her properly. She is a rock reflecting sunlight, and she will continue to do so whether you light a candle or not.

Does working with moon phases add something to your practice? Sure, probably. Cycles are meaningful. Timing matters. There's a reason humans have been tracking the moon since before we had writing.

But you know what else is meaningful? Not using your spiritual practice as another opportunity to feel like a failure.

So here's my lazy witch guide to moon phases for when you can't even:

New Moon (The "Starting Over" One)

Ideal practice: Set intentions, plant seeds (literal or metaphorical), journal about what you want to grow.

Lazy practice: Think, briefly, about one thing you'd like to be different. That's it. You've set an intention. Good job.

Extremely lazy practice: Look at the dark sky, nod, mutter "same," and go to bed.

Waxing Moon (The "Growing" One)

Ideal practice: Take action on your intentions, build momentum, manifest.

Lazy practice: Do one small thing related to that thing you thought about during the new moon. Send one email. Make one phone call. Take one vitamin.

Extremely lazy practice: Continue living your life. You are already growing. Biology is on your side.

Full Moon (The "Big Energy" One)

Ideal practice: Charge crystals, release what isn't serving you, do your most powerful workings.

Lazy practice: Go outside for thirty seconds. Look at the moon. Say "hey, moon." Go back inside.

Extremely lazy practice: Acknowledge that the moon exists. From inside. Through a window. While eating cereal.

Waning Moon (The "Letting Go" One)

Ideal practice: Release, cleanse, banish, cut cords, let go.

Lazy practice: Throw away one thing you don't need. Delete one email. Mute one group chat.

Extremely lazy practice: The trash goes out on Tuesday. That's waning energy. You're covered.

The Real Magic

Here's what I've learned after decades of trying to be a "good" witch: consistency matters more than intensity.

A thirty-second acknowledgment of the moon every month for a year is worth more than one elaborate ritual you beat yourself up about for missing.

A practice you actually do is infinitely more magical than a perfect practice you imagine while scrolling Instagram and feeling bad about yourself.

The moon doesn't need your guilt. She needs your attention. And attention can look like a full ritual under the stars, or it can look like glancing up and saying "oh, there you are."

Both count.

Now stop spiraling and go to bed.

The waning moon is for rest anyway.